African Americans Veiw of marriage

This from the Boston Globe:

Younger blacks absorb a wariness of marriage

As African-American teenagers in a Mission Hill conference room talk about their opinions of marriage , their comments reveal a dreary view of the institution.


`I'm not looking forward to marriage," says Nakeeda Burns , a 17-year-old resident of Revere and daughter of a single mother, ``and I don't think we [people in general] should be married, because I see how other marriages ended up in my family and on television. It's always a disaster."


Even the married couples these teens know don't seem particularly happy.


``All of my friends who are married, they tell me not to get married," says Anderson Felix , 17, of Dorchester. `` `Wifey is going to keep you on lock.' `Everywhere you go, she'll call you every five minutes.' I won't be able to deal with that."


Anita Marshall blurts out, ``I want a big wedding if I get married," but she doesn't think she'll make it to the altar. Her mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother were married; now they're all divorced.


``I don't know anyone who's married, or anybody who is married and stayed married," says Marshall, a 15-year-old from Dorchester. She and the other 10 teens in the room are participants in the organization YPACT (Youth for Prevention, Action and Change Through Thought ), which aims to develop community leaders by teaching teens about social, racial, and health disparities in their neighborhoods.

``When I think of `married,' " Marshall adds, ``[I think] `divorce' -- first word."

Their disillusionment mirrors a growing resistance to marriage among African-Americans. In the post-Civil War era, when African-Americans had the option to marry legally for the first time, many did. The 1890 Census showed that 80 percent of African-American families were headed by two parents, according to Andrew Billingsley 's 1992 book, ``Climbing Jacob's Ladder: The Enduring Legacies of African-American Families ."


But in 1970, census figures show ed that only 57 percent of black men and 54 percent of black women were married. By last year those numbers had slipped to 42 percent for men and 35 percent for women. In comparison, 68 percent of white men and 63 percent of white women were married in 1970, vs. 59 percent of men and 57 percent of women in 2005 .


As the local teens's comments indicate, view s about marriage are formed by what people see in their lives -- and in pop culture. Shows such as ``Divorce Court " and the media's focus on the latest celebrity break-up do not paint glowing pictures of relationships. These factors may help explain why the US divorce rate approaches 40 percent.

``Today . . . not just in the African-American community but in the larger community, divorce is rampant, there's a proliferation of single- mother households, and there's a generation of kids coming up who are very skeptical of marriage," says Dr. William July , a psychologist who has written several books about relationships, including ``Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy ."

Bill Cosbys Message

Bill Cosby’s Uphill Battle Against Downhill Politics


August 26 2006

What’s the worst political label you can have these days? Commie-lib? Evil conservative? Nah, I’m starting to think that label is “non-partisan,” especially if it encroaches on an area that happens to be a hunting ground for the fiercely partisan, is about the worst thing you can be called.

History may record it as a bit disturbing but, appropriately, somewhat funny, that it took a comedian to wake people up to the importance of parenting and responsibility.

While our politicians – most of whom simply adore placating the poor with empty rhetoric so they can squeeze votes from them like an orange juicer – sit idly by, a comedian and successful sitcom star, is taking more action that will actually have a positive impact on peoples’ lives than all the politicians put together. Yes, the guy who created Fat Albert is light years ahead of most Democrats and Republicans in providing a message that will actually help the poor not be poor. If it works, Democrats and Republicans will then fight for credit.

Bill Cosby continues his ongoing barnstorming tour where he travels to schools in mostly minority areas and spreads a message of responsible fatherhood, preventing teen pregnancy, and the importance of education. This, not surprisingly, is often controversial.

Here’s what makes Cosby’s message pack a whollup: He seems to have no political agenda.

Here’s what makes Cosby’s message so “controversial”: He seems to have no political agenda.

It’s this non-partisan approach that brings on the criticism of Cosby. When we hear that Cosby’s words are “controversial,” much of this criticism is coming from people with a political agenda. In other words, these are folks who have a vested financial interest and/or power base concerns that are derived from the poor. They don’t call ‘em “The Projects” for nothing.

Population Implosion

Another benifit of living in a socialist society or watching one from afar...you can watch the population disappear right before your very eyes...

Russian women not reproducing; next stop, dustbin of history

May 10, 2006
Greg Strange

Russian president Vladimir Putin, in a state of the nation address, has highlighted what he believes to be his country’s most serious problem: it’s dying. Specifically, it’s losing about 700,000 people per year. The most recent census had the total population at 145 million, but it could fall by as much as a third by 2050.

Remember the glory days of the old Soviet Union? They were the first into space with Sputnik and Khrushchev, in high Cold War fashion, said, “Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you,” referring to the West and capitalism.

Turns out history wasn’t on their side after all. Contrary to Khrushchev’s bluster, his own country is now busily burying itself. In fact, if they don’t do something rather dramatic, their country is not just going to experience history, it’s going to be history, literally.

The problem is demographic: Russian women aren’t having babies anymore, or at least not enough of them to replace the population. And why is that? Because babies are a lot of trouble and, in a basket case economy that fails to provide prosperity, they’re also too expensive.
So Putin has a plan. He wants to double the amount of monthly child benefits women receive for their first baby and then double that amount for their second child. On top of the monthly benefits, women should be given a large lump sum of money following the birth of their second child.

Sounds like a lot of wishful statist thinking and where the money is going to come from is anybody’s guess, but if they can scrape it together it might help solve the problem. They might also want to consider outlawing abortions since it is estimated that there are more abortions than births each year in Russia. Having legally available abortions in such a country is sort of like having an open bar at an A.A. meeting.


and this from


Coalition tackles Germany's falling birth rate

By Judy Dempsey International Herald Tribune
THURSDAY, JUNE 15, 2006
BERLIN At a time when many European countries are struggling to reverse falling birth rates, Germany's coalition government agreed Wednesday on a financial package that will compensate professional women to take a year's leave to have children and then return to work.

At present, 30 percent of German working women are childless, according to Family Ministry statistics, and Germany lags far behind its European neighbors in terms of birth rate.

"This is a big victory for the chancellor," said Philipp Missfelder, a legislator in the Bundestag, or lower house of
Parliament, who also serves as chairman of the youth wing of Merkel's Christian Democratic Union. He saluted the chancellor for "seriously tackling the demographic problem by encouraging professional women to have families." Like Germany, other countries have been coping with falling birth rates by crafting new policies to encourage women to have more children.

President Vladimir Putin of Russia last month instructed his country's Parliament to adopt financial incentives and
subsidies to increase the birth rate, which has fallen sharply since the collapse of the Soviet Union. France is also considering increasing its already generous benefits for families with children.

In Germany, Merkel's initiative follows efforts by the Social Democrats under Chancellor Gerhard Schröder to
change family policy by expanding the number of child-care centers.

"What is also needed is all-day child- care centers and all-day schools," Elke Ferner, a deputy leader of the Social
Democrats, said Wednesday.

Most schools in Germany close in the afternoon, forcing one of the parents - usually the mother - to stay at home or
else pay for child care. Even where all-day schools have been introduced over the past few years, often they provide neither lessons nor sports classes in the afternoons; children are simply supervised.

In western Germany there also are very few day-care facilities for preschoolers, leading to desperately long waiting
lists for parents. In the formerly Communist east, with its different political past, facilities are much better.

Germany lags far behind European countries like Norway, Sweden, and France, where the state provides generous funding for child-care centers and time off for working mothers and fathers. In France, families with children are given allowances for buying clothing and school supplies that increase sharply with the birth of a third child.

Meanwhile, the birth rate in Germany is an average 1.37 children per woman, compared with 1.9 in France, 1.81 in Norway, and 1.75 in Sweden, according to Eurostat, the statistics agency of the European Union.

and this:

The TimesJuly 24, 2006
Battle of the sexes leaves men groping for equality
By Leo Lewis in Tokyo

What started as a desperate measure to protect women from gropers on trains has blossomed into a fully fledged movement. Single-sex places have become a lifestyle choice for many women and a source of outrage for men.

Once women-only carriages became standard on many Japan Railways services and the Tokyo Metro, other businesses quickly followed. Spas and gyms were among the first to pick up the trend, with restaurants, comic-book cafés and convenience stores joining the no-men-allowed movement.

Hotels, apartment blocks and pachinko gambling parlours are experimenting, and restaurants that do not exclude men have taken to giving free desserts to women.

The “women only" trend flies in the face of a massive government effort to put Japanese men and women closer together. Facing tumbling birth rates and a potential demographic crisis, the Government has tried to promote marriage matchmakers and encouraged companies to give staff time off for dating.


“If men want not to be discriminated against, they should have better manners,” Ms Suzuki said. “They sit so they take up lots of space, read newspapers wide open, leaf through pornography in public and some are really arrogant, too.”

So remember this the next time someone points out the benifits of feminism.

Bad Zero Tolerance Laws


This article from Zero Tolerance Sucks.com:

The scales of injustice

--Editorial, Globe and Mail January 11, 2003

The verdict on zero tolerance is in and it isn't good. Designed to protect women from abusive partners, the rigid, 'one-size-fits-all' strategy too often ensnares couples who feel remorse after an argument gets a little out of hand. 'Calling 911 is like pressing the nuclear button. You cannot call the missiles back,' one lawyer told Kirk Makin, who looks at the devastating impact of a policy that wasn't meant to ruin lives and destroy marriages.
By KIRK MAKIN

After bickering all day Saturday, the tension in the house as night fell was unbearable. As Gerald and Elena prepared to put four-year-old Emma to bed, Elena finally snapped.

"She started throwing stuff and attacked me in front of my daughter," recalled Gerald, a 41-year-old computer analyst. "It was a total loss of control. My daughter was crying and I was scared. I panicked and called 911."

Then he barricaded himself in one of the bedrooms of his snug Toronto townhome and began singing lullabies to calm his daughter. The child's crying seemed to enrage Elena more. She grabbed the phone and told an 911 operator that her husband intended to kill her.

Five minutes later, a disbelieving Gerald was being dragged away in handcuffs. Officers at the police station realized that his cut lip and neck abrasions backed up his story. They returned to arrest Elena, a part-time store clerk -- and take a thoroughly frightened Emma to sleep at a neighbour's house.

Gerald spent two days behind bars. His wife spent four. They were released only after agreeing not to contact one another for any reason. The order obliged Gerald and his elderly mother, who lived with them, to move out of the family home immediately. For the next few months, they slept on a relative's living-room floor.

Lawyers for the couple finally persuaded the Crown last month that the assault charges would not succeed. After not seeing one another in months, Gerald and Elena stared across a Toronto courtroom as the charges were formally dropped.

"We were traumatized and thrown in jail," Gerald said. "It basically ruined our lives and destroyed our marriage. I lost all my savings of about $27,000.

"They created all this animosity, pain, agony and humiliation -- and why? Because they think every family is going to kill each other? I must have been the most stupid person in the world to dial that 911 number. I would never dial it again. I would rather that I had died."

Their story shows the devastation that zero tolerance can wreak and why the opposition to it is growing increasingly louder.

A couple of decades ago, there was a widespread perception that domestic abuse was strictly a private matter. That changed dramatically after a series of inquests into slain spouses -- not to mention considerable lobbying by concerned women's groups. Zero tolerance was born.

Although developed as a life line for women unable to stand up to brutish spouses, critics say zero tolerance is tying the hands of police officers at the same time as it patronizes women and destroys their families. They say it blithely reduces the complexity of crime and punishment to a one-size-fits-all philosophy, indiscriminately entangling both serious and small-time offenders in its dragnet.

"This is the area of my practice where I see the greatest potential for injustice," says Robert Rotenberg, the lawyer who represented Mr. MacNeil. "Whatever happened to our notion of people as individuals? There is this underlying generalization that lumps every man in with the most extreme cases. You can't run a justice system through stereotypes."

Across the country, each province developed its own strict guidelines for police and crown attorneys to follow. The rigid measures of zero tolerance usually result in:

  • Laying assault or threatening charges virtually any time a woman makes an abuse claim, whether or not she agrees to it.
  • Opposing bail for the accused.
  • Imposing orders that force defendants out of the family home.
  • Keeping prosecutions going even after spouses have resolved their differences.

No one denies the need to treat domestic abuse seriously; 69 men and 16 women were charged with killing their partners last year alone. But critics of zero tolerance point to a long line of marginal cases that lawyer Melvyn Green lumps into a single category: "Single-instance, minor transgressions by immediately remorseful husbands."

These cases typically start late at night, after an argument rages out of control. "Many, many, many domestic assaults are a very brief encounter at the end of a verbal fight," Mr. Rotenberg says. "The man grabs his wife and says: 'You're not going out!' "

The defendant sits in jail until Monday morning -- and several days longer if the court lists are too clogged. It makes no difference whether the complainant weeps and cajoles the Crown until she is blue in the face: The machinery is in motion.

"Most people don't know that calling 911 is like pressing the nuclear button," Toronto defence lawyer Alan Gold remarks. "You cannot call the missiles back."

Obtaining bail often means forgoing contact with one's wife or children, which many men agree to rather than face months in jail or a costly bail review at the Superior Court level.

"For the first 72 hours, I would say every man who contacts me is in extreme shock and depression," Mr. Rotenberg says. "A lot of them are suicidal. These are normal people who love their children. Their lives have been ripped apart. The criminal justice system is a sledgehammer. When it gets involved in people's lives, it is as if you've dropped a bomb into their marriage. You have marriages ending after 18 years because someone reached out and grabbed an arm."

Lawyer Dan Brodsky says the no-contact orders are often imposed without the complainant even being warned. The defendant is given 20 or 30 minutes to remove his belongings from the home, while a police officer stands guard. They are able to take only a few personal items, lawyers say. The complainant doesn't have to let him in, and any disagreement over property is usually resolved in her favour.

A defendant who has rebuffed offers from the Crown to plea-bargain often gains no comfort months later if he is acquitted.

"He hasn't had contact with his family for eight, 12 or 16 months," Mr. Rotenberg says. "The kids don't know who he is any more. The wife ends up keeping the house and kids. So, you have a man who is not guilty of anything, but loses everything. I've had clients who wanted to plead guilty just because they couldn't take the conditions, the delays."

Mr. Brodsky says that unless a defendant or the complainant pays for a lawyer and privately commission a psychiatric report to show the presiding judge, "it is almost impossible to fight a no-contact order."

Another Toronto lawyer, Tanya Kranjc, has managed to overturn five no-contact orders on behalf of complainants. She says her clients were fortunate enough to have one thing in common: They did not fit the stereotype.

"Most of them are middle-aged, educated, professional women who do not fit what I think is their [the prosecution's] image of a victim," Ms. Kranjc says. "They were not doing this out of fear, but mostly because of their children. They said they had no idea when they called the police that their husband would be charged. They all just wanted the case to go away."

Ms. Kranjc says the women also had the advantage of resources. "The only way to do it is to get a lawyer, fork over a couple of thousand dollars, and hope for the best."

Maria's gaze did not waver as she lit a fuse under the Crown's case one morning recently in a court exclusively set aside for domestic assault cases.

"I didn't really want to bother with the courts," she testified. "If I had a choice, I wouldn't have come. I had a problem with my marriage -- like everyone else. But everything has been blown out of proportion. It has been a nightmare."

Initially a mainstay in her husband Vince's prosecution for uttering death threats to her, Maria had long since switched sides. She now expressed shame and sympathy for a man who had caught his wife with an apparent suitor.

"Sorry to use the expression, but I realized he just wanted to have me in bed," she told Ontario Court Judge Brent Knazan. "It was while my husband was in jail that I came to my senses."

Wearing the resigned air of one who had seen it all before, Crown counsel Erin Winocur noted that a police videotape made hours after the altercation showed Maria expressing fear of her husband. Had she been intimidated into changing her story?

"I swore at him," said Maria. "I called him a bad name. He called me one back. That was all. I was sick at the time and said things I shouldn't have said. He's innocent. I don't think I was ever afraid of my husband."

Lacking other evidence to prove the charge, Ms. Winocur reluctantly withdrew it. Just two people would ever know whether Maria was a recanting victim cowed by a repressive husband or a tough-minded woman unwilling to bow to the uncompromising demands of zero tolerance.

Mr. Brodsky traces the notion that women are too helpless to be believed back to a 1987 Supreme Court of Canada ruling in Regina v. Lavallee that created the so-called battered woman's defence. The defendant in that case, an abused woman, was acquitted of murder on the grounds that she had a right to defend herself against an unspeakably brutal spouse.

"The concept that arose out of it was that most of the time, women can't speak for themselves," says Mr. Brodsky, who helped defend Ms. Lavallee. "Isn't that insulting? We never expected that zero tolerance would be put in place because of Lavallee."

It is still impressed on prosecutors that zero tolerance is a vital tool that saves lives. The Ontario Crown Policy Manual, a bible for Ontario prosecutors, states emphatically that whether or not the complainant agrees, "all such assaults shall be prosecuted with vigour." One women in 10 is physically abused by a partner, the manual states unequivocally, and each is likely to have been previously assaulted as many as 30 or more times in the past.

The statistics are infamous among defence lawyers, many of whom doubt their accuracy and believe they are used to rationalize harsh measures against small-time offenders.

"The figure is now dated," acknowledges Peter Jaffe, director of the London Family Court Clinic and a high-profile advocate for abused women. "But in general, it is true to say that when a case comes to the attention of the police, there tends to be a pattern."

But Edmonton lawyer Brian Beresh believes zero tolerance been seized on by victim advocacy groups who stand to reap financial benefits. "They have tied themselves to police forces. After an arrest, the police immediately take [complainants] to these groups."

Yet, surprisingly, some of those with reservations about zero tolerance are in the victims movement itself.

"Since zero tolerance came into being a few years ago, I really feel we should take another look at it," says Sharon Rosenfeldt, chairwoman of the Ontario government's Office of Victims of Crime. "Every case is different, and every victim responds differently. We're learning more and more about where there are problems. We should do some research."

There is also an unexpected meeting of minds between some feminists, victim advocates and defence lawyers who see zero tolerance as preventing women from expressing their independence.

Eileen Morrow, director of the Ontario Association of Interval and Transition Houses, says it has proved tough to create a system that protects women while at the same time "providing control to women who are caught up in the system against their will.

"Many women will say: 'I wish I had never called the police. I didn't get justice, I just got revictimized,' " Ms. Morrow says. "The criminal justice system needs to respond to women and be sensitive to their concerns about losing control."

She says the real problem is not so much zero tolerance as the lack of social services available to women whose lives are disrupted by a prosecution.

"Governments see this as a victims' rights and crime-control problem," she says. "But it is more than that. It is about who is going to look after your kids? How are you going to eat? The criminal justice system is a very small part of this."

While Dr. Jaffe defends zero tolerance as a necessary response to years of inaction by police, he says that "the solution wasn't to turn the pendulum to the other extreme."

He says the "blunt instrument" of the criminal law is now being overused at the expense of other programs to reduce spousal violence and help victims. Stringent bail conditions and the lack of discretion vested in police and Crowns are causes for concern, he says.

"Judges have become like neurosurgeons operating with a hammer and chisel," Dr. Jaffe says. "I think we have a lot of work to do. The system needs retooling and retraining."

An Ontario prosecutor who has dealt with many domestic abuse cases agrees. She says the bad, old days of not treating domestic abuse seriously "have been replaced by the troubling assumption that if it happened this time, it probably happened before -- 32 times, we are told, to be precise -- and that she is a helpless victim with no free will or insight."

Sadly, the policy may be defeating its aims, says the prosecutor, who stresses that she remains a strong believer in prosecuting "gendered violence."

"A coercive process that, once engaged, cannot be abandoned for any reason, may discourage many complainants from coming forward," she says. "Many of the protocols that have cropped up around zero tolerance are themselves offensive -- for example, videotaping statements of complainants so they can't successfully recant down the road. This is not merely coercive, but it involves ancillary insults."

To criticize zero tolerance is to invite instant attack from its advocates - particularly if the criticisms focus on the way men are treated under the policy. Mr. Rotenberg said he is so fed up that he no longer cares who attacks him for telling the truth.

"There is zero tolerance for men, but there is no zero tolerance for women," Mr. Rotenberg asserts. "Police are reluctant to charge women. In fact, I can't remember a women being charged unless there was a physical injury. Whereas, men are charged all the time without there being a physical injury."

Cases where the custody of children are part of the backdrop can be particularly unfair, Mr. Rotenberg says. An unproved allegation of domestic abuse against a mother is bound to devastate the chances of a father gaining custody or favourable visitation rights, he says.

"That's the secret undercurrent in all this," he says. "When a man faces even the most minor charge, it puts an enormous cloud over his head in all the family proceedings. There are definitely wives who are told by their family lawyers that if you have grounds to charge your spouse, it will be a great advantage to them in the custody battle. There is no doubt this happens a lot."

A Toronto couple who went to Mr. Green for help, however, represented the flip side of the coin. The woman, who holds a senior media job, and her husband, who works in publishing, wanted to stay together.

"Their relationship had been strained for some time," Mr. Green says. "It was never anything physical, but the tension was palpable. It came to a head that Saturday night, when their barbed exchanges -- chiefly about parenting -- led to a single push."

They gave police precisely the same account. "She had wanted to draw a line," Mr. Green says. "He understood, and was ashamed. But to her amazement, police told her they had no choice but to arrest her husband. Despite her protests, they did just that. Because it was a holiday weekend, he was held until Tuesday morning for a bail hearing."

Mr. Green advised the wife to retain her own lawyer. Together, he said, they could lean on the prosecutor to consent to bail. It worked -- but only after the wife agreed to sign a legal paper authorizing her to withdraw her consent at any time.

"She hated this piece of paper," Mr. Green says. "She hated being deputized; being an agent of the state. She came to hate the way the entire process patronized her and treated her as a 'victim.' "

In the end, the husband pleaded guilty to common assault largely to spare his wife having to testify. He got a conditional discharge. "They have done some counselling, and they're still together," Mr. Green says. "But it would take a monstrous act for her to ever call 911 again."

Domestic assaults have always been a wearying reality of police life.

"On a given night, we have six or seven [defendants] come through here," says a 23-year veteran of the Toronto Police Service. "Five of them may be domestics. We have to lay charges. The government has made me throw out a net that catches everybody in it.

"Say you piss off your wife one night and she decides to call the cops to say: 'He assaulted me.' If there is any redness on the side of her face, I no longer have any discretion. I shall charge you. You're going to be in jail until Monday and you'll be living in your car after that. Imagine how your life is going to change?"

If he were free to use his discretion, the officer estimates that he would let 20 per cent of the people he charges off with a lecture. They would be the cases where an angry wife has called 911 to jolt her husband, he says, or where the repercussions of a criminal charge clearly outweigh the actual allegations.

"We have women who go back to court and say: 'I want him to come back because I still love him' or -- if they are more honest -- because he is the sole breadwinner," the officer says. "That happens quite a bit. The Crown just sits there and says it's not acceptable."

In a case two years ago, CBC radio reporter Robert Rowbotham was charged with assaulting his girlfriend, Valerie Phillips. His parole on a drug-importing sentence was revoked.

Ms. Phillips quickly recanted, saying she had fabricated the story in a drunken attempt to pay Mr. Rowbotham back for breaking up with her. She even pointed to her criminal record for perjury. Several months later, the Crown conceded that it had nothing to back up her account and a judge acquitted Mr. Rowbotham.

"How they could take my story seriously is beyond me," Ms. Phillips said disgustedly at one point in her quest to end the prosecution.

The Toronto police officer says it is not hard to understand why police were stripped of their discretion in domestic abuse cases, since a single error in judgment can have devastating results.

"The government said: 'Let's take the power away from the cops so they can't make a mistake.' But my bottom line is: Give me the tools to do the job. Don't handcuff me."

Mr. Rotenberg says the problem is that "everybody is covering their posterior. The police officer has to lay a charge. The Crown has to run a bail hearing instead of agreeing to bail. And the JP doesn't want to be the one who has blood on his hands if something goes wrong."

Mr. Gold, the Toronto defence lawyer, calls it "Coroner's Inquest Syndrome" -- a condition he defines as the fear of having to testify at the next coroner's inquest into a slain spouse.

"A thousand people will be kept in custody to prevent the one-in-a-thousand or the one-in-ten-thousand who might commit a serious crime," Mr. Gold says. "It is the very antithesis of justice, which involves the individualized consideration of each case."

However, some police remain true believers. "I've had prosecutors say they didn't want to proceed, but that it came down to the police pushing them," says Mr. Beresh, the Edmonton lawyer.

He says some prosecutors in the Prairie provinces have told him privately that they would have withdrawn or reduced charges if they felt they had the leeway to do so.

"If you step outside the guidelines, you have to justify it in a major way," Mr. Beresh says. "There is an absolute fettering of their discretion as to which cases should be prosecuted and which shouldn't."

There are few cases that can worry a judge as much as a domestic abuse case. The motives of husbands and wives are often hard to decipher, and a wrong word can instantly launch a formal complaint or a public denunciation.

"A judge in domestic assault court said to me recently, 'They want to make me a social worker,' " Mr. Beresh says. The judge added that many of the cases she sees don't belong in the criminal courts.

It is not a sentiment any judge is likely to state publicly. From the lobbying of groups like the Toronto Woman Abuse Council to the vitriol of columnists like The Toronto Star's Michele Landsberg, the domestic abuse victims network has a powerful presence that silences most critics.

A tactic known as "court-watching" arrived in Canada recently to add to the pressure on judges. Based on a U.S. model, Women's Court Watch is funded largely by the Ontario government's Trillium Foundation. Its administrators are paid, but those who sit in courtrooms to note how cases progress and what judges say are volunteers -- usually abused women or students.

Women's Court Watch co-ordinator Anya Kater notes that the presence of court-watchers is equally useful in reminding prosecutors that they must not shrink from taking a hard line.

"There is a kind of creative tension between us and Crowns, because there is a perception that we're judging them," she says. "It's good to keep them on their toes too."

The statistics the group compiles may be wildly unscientific, but that didn't stop a sprinkling of reporters from lapping it all up at a recent press conference to publicize 179 cases the group had observed.

Among the information Ms. Kater's group provided was a rating of judicial comments made during trials which the group rated as "positive," "negative" or "neutral." Other observations included judges who improved their scores by offering Kleenex to emotional complainants or making sympathetic eye contact in order "to send them a message that they are welcome in the courtroom."

Vivian Green, director of the council, told the press conference that judges consistently downgrade the value of prosecutions where a complainant has recanted or doesn't wish to testify. "Judicial independence cannot be an excuse for lack of accountability towards abused women," she said.

Ms. Kater criticizes judges for administering too many "slaps on the wrist." In addition, she says, abused women and their advocates are not paid enough heed in the courtroom.

Still, Ms. Kater found some rays of hope. "In half the abuse cases, offenders were held in custody until their trial," she says. "That is very positive, and we would like to see more of that."

But critics of zero tolerance maintain that those caught up in many first-time domestic offences would often be better off diverted into marital counselling, anger management or substance abuse programs.

"I see money being spent on legal fees that should be spent elsewhere," Mr. Gold says. "After tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees, a charge gets dropped. As lawyers, it is certainly not in our financial interest to see changes dropped -- but we would rather take smaller fees and see it dealt with intelligently."

Ms. Morrow, the director of the Ontario Association of Interval and Transition Houses, says it is dispiriting to watch governments throw money into domestic abuse prosecutions while they starve transition houses and programs that provide welfare, social housing or other social services to women who are suddenly rearing children on their own.

"Things are often put in place by a system that just wants to get people off its back," she says. "If they are put in place by people who don't actually understand what people want, it can actually cause more trouble.

In reality, the number of domestic abuse cases that end in a conviction is not very high, Ms. Morrow said. Even if it were, she said, "let's face it -- he is not going to jail forever. That is not the solution, anyway. Many women feel the process doesn't really change his behaviour or keep them safe."

How Feminism Harms Families


This from Trumpet.com:

Families in Crisis


The fight for women’s rights has actually turned into a fight against the family. Even the mothers of modern feminism admit that radical feminists have worked hard to repudiate the family.


Feminist Stephanie Coontz, history professor at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wa., wrote in the Washington Post, “We cannot afford to construct our social policies, our advice to our own children and even our own emotional expectations around the illusion that all commitments, sexual activities and caregiving will take place in a traditional marriage” (May 1). You don’t have to read between the lines to understand that such thinking is destroying the traditional family.


It is within the Anglo-American world that feminism has been embraced the most passionately. These countries also have the highest divorce rates in the world, and are producing record numbers of fatherless children—which in turn creates many other social problems. Robert Sheaffer writes, “One can try to argue that the U.S. family died of natural causes at precisely the same time feminists began shooting at it, but after examining the depth and ferocity of the feminist attack against women’s roles as wives and mothers, such an argument fails to convince” (Feminism, the Noble Lie). Let’s own up to it: Feminism has caused some tragic results for the family.

If we are going to fix our social problems, we must recognize that feminism has led our Western families into serious crises. Here is how it happened. Although many young women answered the call to pursue a career, they could not deny their natural desire for a husband and children. Many then opted to have a husband, children and a career. Realizing that certain feminine desires could not be denied, a new movement slogan was quickly pushed into public view—“having it all.” This slogan lives on. But it ignores a hard reality for many working mothers: Having it all also means handling it all. Working career mothers were forced into a high-stress rat race. Having it all was supposed to be fulfilling, but it was not. Now, almost four decades later, women find they are not any closer to finding true, satisfying fulfillment. For some, “having it all” has meant losing it all.

The truth is, working mothers suffer. The children of working mothers always suffer. And should we forget—the husband suffers too.


Severe fatigue plagues many working mothers. Balancing career, marriage and child care is an impossible task. Few can actually do it all. To do it all, corners have to be cut. Unfortunately, because of feminist peer pressure, marriage and family are sacrificed before career. Many two-career marriages have crumbled. Children have been left at home alone. Can we begin to see the harm that working motherhood has done to families?

Anit-Family Quotes from feminist

This group of anti-family statments made by variuos feminists was listed at David R Throop's Men's Issues Page. [Orginally located at: .]

Unfortunately, the site is no longer online. However, thanks to the Internet Archives this particular page is being reposted for all to see.

Selected quotes on abolishing the traditional family


Gerry Harbison harbison@unlinfo.unl.edu writes
:

Some feminists object to the nuclear family.

Some examples
:

Judith Stacey - The belief that married-couple families are superior is probably the most pervasive prejudice in the Western world.

Toni Morrison: The little nuclear family is a paradigm that just doesn't work

Barbara Ehrenreich, as quoted by Stephen Chapman, from Time:

"Only with the occasional celebrity crime do we allow ourselves to think the nearly unthinkable: that the family may not be the ideal and perfect living arrangement after all -- that it can be a nest of pathology and a cradle of gruesome violence," she writes. "Even in the ostensibly 'functional,' nonviolent family, where no one is killed or maimed, feelings are routinely bruised and often twisted out of shape. There is the slap or the put-down that violates a child's shaky sense of self, the cold, distracted stare that drives a spouse to tears, the little digs and rivalries."

Ms. Ehrenreich extols the "long and honorable tradition of 'anti-family' thought," waxing nostalgic for those early feminists who regarded marriage as just another version of prostitution. This deeply defective institution "can hardly be the moral foundation of everything else," she argues, pining for the day when "someone invents a sustainable alternative."


And of course our own Gordon Fitch....


"The nuclear family is a hotbed of violence and depravity."

[Gordon Fitch clarifies his statement. -DRT]

Note that none of the authors above said 'traditional male-dominated family'. It is evidently not the religious right model they object to, but any nuclear family.


This is an intellectually legitimate viewpoint, although I claim I am entitled to object to suggestions that the family is intrinsically some sort of concentration camp, in the same way *anyone* is entitled to object to a blanket condemnation of the way they live. The dishonesty is in feminists pretending that there is not a significant anti-family movement in feminism. It suggests a stealth campaign, in which the real agenda is concealed.



And by way of sheaffer@netcom.com (Robert Sheaffer):


From Female Liberation by Roxanne Dunbar.


"How will the family unit be destroyed? ... the demand alone will throw the whole ideology of the family into question, so that women can begin establishing a community of work with each other and we can fight collectively. Women will feel freer to leave their husbands and become economically independent, either through a job or welfare."


From article, "Is Marriage the Answer?" by Barbara Findlen, Ms magazine, May-June, 1995:

"Feminists have long criticized marriage as a place of oppression, danger, and drudgery for women."

From Sisterhood Is Powerful, Morgan (ed), 1970 p. 537.


"The Feminists -v- The Marriage License Bureau of the State of New York...All the discriminatory practices against women are patterned and rationalized by this slavery-like practice. We can't destroy the inequities between men and women until we destroy marriage."


From Phyllis Chesler, Women and Madness, p. 294


"most mother-women give up whatever ghost of a unique and human self they may have when they 'marry' and raise children."


Alice Walker in "Embracing the Dark and the Light," Essence, July 1982. As cited in Andrea Dworkin's "Right-Wing Women"


"...I submit that any sexual intercourse between a free man and a human being he owns or controls is rape."


The context of the quote in RWW makes it clear that marriage is such a form of control.

Lenore Walker, speaking at a Laguna Beach conference, as reported in the SF Chronicle:

"Our research and most other studies show that wife-battering occurs in 50 percent of families throughout the nation."


The SF Chronicle comments, "Only the most crazed man-hater could believe that." [I suspect it has more to do with hating marriage than hating men - DRT]


Lenore Walker, after visiting one of the early shelters for battered women, wrote "I was struck by what a beneficial alternative to the nuclear family this arrangement [communal housing and child raising] was for these women and children." (p.195) The Battered Woman


Andrea Dworkin: "Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice. Rape, originally defined as abduction, became marriage by capture. Marriage meant the taking was to extend in time, to be not only use of but possession of, or ownership."


Contributed by rodvan@nwlink.com (Rod Van Mechelen):


Functions of the Family, Linda Gordon, WOMEN: A Journal of Liberation, Fall, 1969.

"The nuclear family must be destroyed, and people must find better ways of living together. ... Whatever its ultimate meaning, the break-up of families now is an objectively revolutionary process. ... "Families have supported oppression by separating people into small, isolated units, unable to join together to fight for common interests. ...

"Families make possible the super-exploitation of women by training them to look upon their work outside the home as peripheral to their 'true' role. ... No woman should have to deny herself any opportunities because of her speical responsibilities to her children. ... Families will be finally destroyed only when a revolutionary social and economic organization permits people's needs for love and security to be met in ways that do not impose divisions of labor, or any external roles, at all."


Andrea Dworkin, Letters from a War Zone; E. P. Dutton

In fucking, as in reproduction, sex and economics are inextricably joined. In male-supremacist cultures, women are believed to embody carnality; women are sex. A man wants what a woman has--sex. He can steal it [prostitution], lease it over the long term marriage [marriage in the United States], or own it outright [marriage in most societies]. A man can do some or all of the above, over and over again.

Vanishing Man of War


The Vanishing “Man of War” from The Trumpet online:

Placing Women in Danger


One of the biggest lies foisted upon an American public—which, on the whole, opposes putting women into combat—is that the military is loaded with “non-combat” jobs.

The irrefutable fact is, the military is a combat organization. Its mission is war.

The designation of a position as “non-combat” serves essentially one purpose: to open up more jobs to women. The line separating combat from non-combat is arbitrary and in flux: The harder the lobbying to expand opportunities for women, the narrower the definition of “combat” becomes.

Current law, passed by the Bush Pentagon, allows women to serve virtually anywhere—even directly alongside combat units, as long as combat is not occurring at that moment. The bizarre promise is, they will be evacuated if combat starts. Once the enemy telephones and announces that it is ready for hostilities, the battlefield will have a time-out until the necessary cavalcade of combat and transport helicopters, armored personnel carriers and tanks reaches the scene and escorts the battleground’s lady guests away—or so the thinking seems to go. This policy would devote pilots and drivers, combat equipment and vehicles—during combat, when they would be most fiercely needed—to the idiotic chore of moving women who shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

But even the idea of fielding a select group of strong, efficient, disciplined, maximally effective “combat” troops, supported by weak, gender-normed “non-combat” troops, is inherently flawed. A war front can shift in a flash: If a supply line is attacked, or a bomb goes off in the “rear,” suddenly that is a new “front.” The fact that American women in uniform are being killed and captured is all the proof one needs that the military is not honoring—nor can it honorthe law restricting women from serving in combat. “Women in combat is not really an issue,” says Lt. Dawn Halfaker, who lost an arm in Iraq last year. “It is happening.”

Forbes article says Dont Marry Career Women

The highly controversial Forber article, the original article in it's entirety unedited.

Don't Marry Career Women

Michael Noer
08.22.06, 6:00 AM ET

Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women--even those with a "feminist" outlook--are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well-educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure…at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?

Many factors contribute to a stable marriage, including the marital status of your spouse's parents (folks with divorced parents are significantly more likely to get divorced themselves), age at first marriage, race, religious beliefs and socio-economic status. And, of course, many working women are indeed happily and fruitfully married--it's just that they are less likely to be so than non-working women. And that, statistically speaking, is the rub.

To be clear, we're not talking about a high-school dropout minding a cash register. For our purposes, a "career girl" has a university-level (or higher) education, works more than 35 hours a week outside the home and makes more than $30,000 a year.

If a host of studies are to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble. If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy (Journal of Marriage and Family, 2003). They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do (Social Forces, 2006). You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do (Journal of Marriage and Family, 2001). You will be more likely to fall ill (American Journal of Sociology). Even your house will be dirtier (Institute for Social Research).

Why? Well, despite the fact that the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial, much of the reasoning is based on a lot of economic theory and a bit of common sense. In classic economics, a marriage is, at least in part, an exercise in labor specialization. Traditionally men have tended to do "market" or paid work outside the home and women have tended to do "non-market" or household work, including raising children. All of the work must get done by somebody, and this pairing, regardless of who is in the home and who is outside the home, accomplishes that goal. Nobel laureate Gary S. Becker argued that when the labor specialization in a marriage decreases--if, for example, both spouses have careers--the overall value of the marriage is lower for both partners because less of the total needed work is getting done, making life harder for both partners and divorce more likely. And, indeed, empirical studies have concluded just that.

In 2004, John H. Johnson examined data from the Survey of Income and Program Participation and concluded that gender has a significant influence on the relationship between work hours and increases in the probability of divorce. Women's work hours consistently increase divorce, whereas increases in men's work hours often have no statistical effect. "I also find that the incidence in divorce is far higher in couples where both spouses are working than in couples where only one spouse is employed," Johnson says. A few other studies, which have focused on employment (as opposed to working hours) have concluded that working outside the home actually increases marital stability, at least when the marriage is a happy one. But even in these studies, wives' employment does correlate positively to divorce rates, when the marriage is of "low marital quality."

The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen their mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase they'll meet someone they like more than you. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners," researcher Adrian J. Blow reported in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, "and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."

There's more: According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, highly educated people are more likely to have had extra-marital sex (those with graduate degrees are 1.75 more likely to have cheated than those with high school diplomas.) Additionally, individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.

And if the cheating leads to divorce, you're really in trouble. Divorce has been positively correlated with higher rates of alcoholism, clinical depression and suicide. Other studies have associated divorce with increased rates of cancer, stroke, and sexually-transmitted disease. Plus divorce is financially devastating. According to one recent study on "Marriage and Divorce's Impact on Wealth," published in The Journal of Sociology, divorced people see their overall net worth drop an average of 77%.

So why not just stay single? Because, academically speaking, a solid marriage has a host of benefits beyond just individual "happiness." There are broader social and health implications as well. According to a 2004 paper entitled "What Do Social Scientists Know About the Benefits of Marriage?" marriage is positively associated with "better outcomes for children under most circumstances," higher earnings for adult men, and "being married and being in a satisfying marriage are positively associated with health and negatively associated with mortality." In other words, a good marriage is associated with a higher income, a longer, healthier life and better-adjusted kids.

A word of caution, though: As with any social scientific study, it's important not to confuse correlation with causation. In other words, just because married folks are healthier than single people, it doesn't mean that marriage is causing the health gains. It could just be that healthier people are more likely to be married.

Nine Reasons To Steer Clear Of Career Women

1. You are less likely to get married to her.

So say Lee A. Lillard and Linda J. Waite of the University of Michigan's Michigan Retirement Research Center. In a paper, "Marriage, Divorce and the Work and Earnings Careers of Spouses", published in April, 2000, they found that for white women, higher earnings, more hours of employment and higher wages while single all reduce the chances of marriage. "This suggests that (1) success in the labor market makes it harder for women to make a marital match, (2) women with relatively high wages and earnings search less intensively for a match, or (3) successful women have higher standards for an acceptable match than women who work less and earn less." Some research suggests the opposite is true for black women.

Source: "Marriage, Divorce and the Work and Earnings Careers of Spouses," Lee A. Lillard, Linda J. Waite, University of Michigan, Michigan Retirement Research Center, Working Papers, April, 2000.

2. If you do marry, you are more likely to get divorced.

In 2004, John H. Johnson examined data from the Survey of Income and Program Participation and concluded that gender has a significant influence on the relationship between work hours and increases in the probability of divorce. Women's work hours consistently increase divorce, whereas increases in men's work hours often have no statistical effect. "I also find that the incidence in divorce is far higher in couples where both spouses are working than in couples where only one spouse is employed," Johnson said. A few other studies, which have focused on employment (as opposed to working hours) have concluded that working outside the home actually increases marital stability, at least when the marriage is a happy one. But even in these studies, wives' employment does correlate positively to divorce rates, when the marriage is of "low marital quality."

Sources: "A Treatise On The Family," Gary S. Becker, Harvard University Press, 1981; "Do Long Work Hours Contribute To Divorce?" John H. Johnson, Topics in Economic Analysis and Policy, 2004; "Wives' Employment and Spouses' Marital Happiness," Robert Schoen, Stacy J. Rogers, Paul R. Amato, Journal of Family Issues, April 2006.

3. She is more likely to cheat on you.

According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, highly educated people are more likely to have had extra-marital sex (those with graduate degrees are 1.75 more likely to have cheated than those with high school diplomas.) One April, 2005 study, by Adrian J. Blow for the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy summed it up: "If a woman has more education than her partner, she is more likely to have a sexual relationship outside of her primary relationship; if her husband has more education, she is less likely to engage in infidelity." Additionally individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat. "In a more general sense, it appears that employment has significantly influenced infidelity over the years," Blow said. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners, and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."

Source: "Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review," Adrian J. Blow, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, April 2005.

4. You are much less likely to have kids.

According to the National Marriage Project, the incidence of childlessness is growing across the socioeconomic scale. In 2004, 20% of women over 40 remained childless. Thirty years ago that figure was 10%. But the problem--and it is a problem because the vast majority of women desire children--is much more extreme for career women. According to Sylvia Ann Hewlett, an economist and the author of Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children, only 51% of ultra-achieving women (those earning more than $100,000 a year) have had children by age 40. Among comparable men, the figure was 81%. A third of less successful working women (earning either $55,000 or $65,000) were also childless at age 40.

Sources: The State of Our Unions 2006: Life Without Children, The National Marriage Project, July 2006. Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children, Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Miramax Books, 2002.

5. If you do have kids, your wife is more likely to be unhappy.

A 2003 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family concluded that wealthier couples with children suffer a drop in marital satisfaction three times as great as their less affluent peers. One of the study's co-authors publicly speculated that the reason is that wealthier women are used to "a professional life, a fun, active, entertaining life."

Sources: "Parenthood and Martial Satisfaction: A Meta-Analytic Review," Jean M. Twenge, W. Keith Campbell, and Craig A. Foster, Journal of Marriage and Family, 2003; "Money doesn't mean happy parenting," USA Today, July 21, 2003.

6. Your house will be dirtier.

In 2005, two University of Michigan scientists concluded that if your wife has a job earning more than $15 an hour (roughly $30,000 a year), she will do 1.9 hours less housework a week. Of course, this can be solved if the husband picks up a broom.

Source: "Data Quality of Housework Hours in the Panel Study of Income Dynamics: Who Really Does The Dishes?", Alexandra C. Achen and Frank P. Stafford, Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan, September 2005.

7. You'll be unhappy if she makes more than you.

You aren't going to like it if she makes more than you do: "Married men's well-being is significantly lower when married women's proportional contributions to the total family income are increased."

Source: "Changes in Wives' Income: Effects on Marital Happiness, Psychological Well-Being, and the Risk of Divorce," Stacy J. Rogers, Danelle D. DeBoer, Journal of Marriage and Family, May 2001.

8. She will be unhappy if she makes more than you.

According to the authors of a controversial 2006 study: "American wives, even wives who hold more feminist views about working women and the division of household tasks, are typically happier when their husband earns 68% or more of the household income." Reason? "Husbands who are successful breadwinners probably give their wives the opportunity to make more choices about work and family--e.g., working part-time, staying home, or pursuing a meaningful but not particularly remunerative job."

Sources: What's Love Got To Do With It? W. Bradford Wilcox, Steven L. Nock, Social Forces, March, 2006; www.happiestwives.org

9. You are more likely to fall ill.

A 2001 study found that having a wife who works less than 40 hours a week has no impact on your health, but having a wife who works more than 40 hours a week has "substantial, statistically significant, negative effects on changes in her husband's health over that time span." The author of another study summarizes that "wives working longer hours not do not have adequate time to monitor their husband's health and healthy behavior, to manage their husband's emotional well-being or buffer his workplace stress."

Sources: "It's About Time and Gender: Spousal Employment and Health," Ross M. Stolzenberg, American Journal of Sociology, July, 2001; "Marriage, Divorce and the Work and Earnings Careers of Spouses," Lee A. Lillard, Linda J. Waite, University of Michigan, Michigan Retirement Research Center, Working Papers, April, 2000

Sucess of Desperate Housewives

This was posted at the Men's Movie Guide:

Hate men? Tune in

Herald Sun (Melbourne) 4 February 2005
By Andrew Bolt

Unhappy, unfulfilled, unappreciated, unloved: these are the Desperate Houswives. And who's to blame? Men, of course.

There's no mystery to the huge success of Desperate Housewives.

It's scented tissues and Lindt chocolate for the self-pitying modern woman, of whom we now have so very many.

A show whose opening titles show one weepy cartoon woman punching the head of her mean lover and another tossing her broom out the window after sweeping up after her face-stuffing husband, shouldn't be such an enigma to the feminists and theorists who've pondered its massive appeal.

Oh, we poor women, miserable in our suburban luxury. Oh, those foul men. Just wait until they get home from earning our money.

Yet how the experts have struggled to figure what made this soap a smash in America, the buzz of Britain and now a sensation in Australia, with 2.5 million of us tuning in to its premiere on Channel Seven this week.

Overlooking the whining obvious, they've looked instead at its high-gloss exterior and seen there a mirror of their own obsessions.

One male critic drooled that the secret of this dissection of American Gothic suburbia ­ gutting the hyper-lives of four desperate at-home women and one predatory slut ­ was perhaps that it was "showcasing female sexuality in a way women would find erotic".

By which he means there's sex without nipples, and the women do most of the pouncing and bouncing. As shy guys dream.

But when celebrity groping victim and feminist Naomi Wolf saw Desperate Housewives, she saw instead that the deepest of the "deeper reasons" for its success was that it "says the unsayable", especially that motherhood "can be extremely tiring and boring" ­ as Wolf said she found when she tried it.

True, motherhood sucks in Wisteria Lane, where our heroines lead lives that, outwardly, seem styled by Martha Stewart. Lynette, you see, has sons she can't stand, and who aren't ever shown in a "love-you-after-all" scene to make up for being ugly brats who turned mum from a corporate hottie into the dowdiest woman in her manicured street.

As for brittle Bree, her own wretches mock her delicate gourmet cooking and eat at her even more delicate confidence instead. So, yes, motherhood is hell on Wisteria Lane. Yet the children are just one whinge in a storm of women's sighs.

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