U Not Gonna Like This

This article is from the archives of Men's News Daily (link):

by Denise Noe



2006-10-02 at 5:34 pm · Filed under Vox Populi



In the aftermath of the televised soul kisses exchanged between Madonna and Christina Aguilar and Madonna and Britney Spears, Katherine Sheriff wrote a column decrying what she saw as the media’s “selling” an image of female bisexuality. The truth is that the media is a Jonie-come-lately to a basic difference between men’s and women’s sexuality. Studies show that men are more likely to cluster toward the end points of being completely heterosexual or homosexual while women tend to be more in the middle ground with varying degrees of attraction to both genders.



Female sexuality appears to be considerably more plastic than that of males. While gay men almost always believe their preferences are inborn, many lesbians, especially feminist lesbians, say they made a conscious choice to direct their sexual energies to other women. Others say they “tried women” after bad experiences with men. There is no comparably widespread phenomenon among men of elective homosexuality for political reasons or because they are “fed up” with women.



Many, if not most, heterosexual men are actively repulsed by the idea of two men having sex. Sexual activity between women rarely repulses heterosexual women. Some conservative women may rail against lesbianism in the context of anti-feminism but are unlikely to be sickened by the sight of Madonna and Christina kissing. While straight men tend to have a barrier against touching other men, women who regard themselves as 100% heterosexual often hug, hold hands with and, yes, kiss their lady friends (although usually close-mouthed).




Magazines directed at heterosexual men feature pictures of attractive women and so do publications for women of any sexuality. Of course, females who look at the pictures in Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, and other women’s magazines are usually fantasizing about being the lovely model on the page rather than making love with her. But that women who identify as straight like to look at women much more than men who identify as straight like to look at men suggests that an element of bisexuality may be the norm rather than the exception for women.




Another point Sheriff made is that media images of beauty send the sexist message that women are what they look like. There is some truth to this criticism. Sheriff is also correct to see this message as especially harmful to young females who develop eating disorders and self-esteem problems striving for an unreachable ideal.




However, a bit of hope can be seen in the fact that Madonna’s kisses are still grabbing headlines showing that, contrary to myth, women can be sexy in middle age.



Holding up images of above average attractiveness for both genders is probably inevitable. After all, few men look like Brad Pitt. But the problem of seeing women only in terms of beauty is probably lessening as more and more women make their mark in the world for reasons unconnected with their looks. Women as disparate as Margaret Thatcher, Madeline Albright, Phyllis Schlafly, Sandra Day O’Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg prove that females can rise to fame on qualities other than their faces and figures. And a woman like Condoleeza Rice shows there is no contradiction between being an attractive woman and accomplishments in non-sexual arenas.



Sheriff is right to warn that, “pushing bisexuality is harmful” if “it pushes women to be something that – just maybe – they aren’t.” Although women are more likely than men to be somewhere in the middle between heterosexuality and homosexuality, there are many women who are either completely heterosexual or totally lesbian as well as some who are simply asexual.



However, it is also possible that bisexuality is the natural way for most women. Perhaps this is also why it is, as Sheriff notes, “the stereotypical sexual fantasy of males.” In a wide variety of ways, women’s and men’s desires are neither identical nor conflicting but complementary. The fact that men like something is not a mark against it except for those who are stuck in an old “Battle of the Sexes” mode. That women’s natural bisexuality meshes with men’s desire to watch ladies make love can be seen in a positive light by those of us who favor a truce.